Press # To Self-Destruct

by Ashish

Hi! Welcome to Camel Telecom! We’re Happy To Hump!

Press 1 to continue listening to banalities in English. Press 2 to switch over to torture in Marathi. Press 3 to listen to more tripe in Hindi. Press 4 to listen to what we think is Swahili. Press 5 to terminate this conversation immediately.

1

Welcome to Camel Telecom! We’re Happy to Hump!

Press 1 to listen to bullshit about your bill. Press 2 to learn about new ways to con you out of your money. Press 3 to have superfast and SUPERexpensive internet on your telephone. Press 4 if you want to register a complaint about our services. Press 5 to terminate this conversation immediately. Press * to return to the main menu. If you can’t find *, press 5 to terminate this conversation immediately.

4

Welcome to Camel Telecom! We’re Happy to Hump!

Press 1 if you have a complaint about your outrageously large bill. Press 2 if you can’t get network on your phone in any area outside a teeny-tiny spot three feet outside your balcony. Press 3 if your 3G (hahaha!) connectivity is weak. Press 4 if you have all of these complaints at the same time. Press 5 to terminate this conversation immediately. Press * to return to the main menu. If you can’t find *, press 5 to terminate this conversation immediately.

4

Welcome to Camel Telecom! We’re Happy to Hump!

Press 5 to terminate this conversation immediately.

*

That is an incorrect operation. Press 5 to terminate this conversation immediately.

4

That is an incorrect operation. Press 5 to terminate this conversation immediately.

9

That is an incorrect operation. Press 5 to terminate this conversation immediately.

0

That is an incorrect operation. Press 5 to terminate this conversation immediately.

#

That is an incorrect operation. Press 5 to terminate this conversation immediately.

5

This has been a chargeable call. Your balance has been debited by 7 rupees. Press # to be transferred to the feedback mechanism.

Goodbye from Camel Telecom! Happy To Have Humped!

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Redial.

Hi! Welcome to Camel Telecom! We’re Happy To Hump!

Press 1 to continue listening to banalities in English. Press 2 to switch over to Marathi. Press 3 to listen to more tripe in Hindi. Press 4 to listen to what we think is Swahili. Press 5 to terminate this conversation immediately.

1…

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